A friend was visiting recently and, in a conversation related to web design, I mentioned that I had a blog. With a cocked head, she said, “Dena, you do? I didn’t know that!” And, at the time, I didn’t really give it much thought to the fact that she wouldn’t know that about me. I showed her the blog and talked about the design and optimization for phones, tablets, etc. and I happened to see the date of my last entry and realized that it had been over a year since I wrote anything (no wonder she didn’t know that about me!). And, even more surprising, after I read my last entry, I remembered why it had been so long.
I remembered what I was trying to make sense of and that I was beckoning order. I also realized that during this past year (plus) my world has been filled with so much … in all directions. Directions that have taken me to the depths of places I didn’t know I could go, to places I was too obsessed to stay away from, and to places where I have found bits of myself through friendships that mean everything to me. Friendships that allow me to be exactly who I truly am. And, in that year, in that space, I simply could not find (or make) the time to reflect, to pause, to write.
Writing has always been something I have done for myself; an attempt at organizing all the abstract thoughts aimlessly swirling about my head, usually on their way to some collision course disguised as a conclusion. Maybe the writing is really just a trick to lure those thoughts into a quieter place like smoke to bees; giving them a sense of order so they can just let the dust settle around them as opposed to me allowing them to keep kicking up the dirt in my brain!
Whatever the result, writing has always helped me find the calm and the order, to give the thoughts a place to call home … so they aren’t freeloading off of the parts of my brain I need to actually use for more productive things!